Little Red Men

This next story I have to tell is most likely the most exciting story that has happened to me yet.

As I am sure everyone has been told at some point, European drivers can be kind of crazy. I had been told this but it never really hit me, until it actually hit me.

I walk back from school every day on one of the main roads called Via Notarbartolo, coming off Notarbartolo are many smaller streets. So it all begins here, I was walking back from school one day, crossing the mini streets normally when I had to, glancing to the right and glancing to the left. Then I came upon that one street, that one street that would almost be the death of me. I remember looking down at my feet for second, quickly examining the newly made hole in my shoe, looking up at the small illuminated yellow man that seemed to be telling me, "Don't worry, cross the street, you have nothing to worry about". Almost taunting, challenging me to take those eleven steps to make it across. I took up the challenge, I was going to show that yellow man that I could cross a street safely. Determined, I fixed my gaze on that yellow guy, staring it down and intimidating it. After the first three steps I thought "Maybe I should look both ways..." Quickly I looked to my left to make sure no cars were going to disrupt my subjugation of the little yellow man. Confirming that no cars were coming from the left, I swung my head in the other direction, what used to be yellow had now turned red. "What was that?" I thought, I stopped half way through the turning process to center my head, the little yellow man didn't look so taunting now, in fact he looked kind of angry. He had changed from the seductive yellow to the infuriated red. This time it was not me who was intimidating him, but rather the other way around. Then there was a sound, not a nice calming sound, but a sound that seemed to represent the feelings of that small man. The sound blared in my right ear, if I had time to squint and mush my face into unnatural shapes I would have. But there was no time for this, I saw out of the corner of my eye a car, thinking as fast as I could, I decided not to run ahead or to jump backwards, but to jump a foot or two in the opposite direction of the car. This however did not aid me whatsoever because the car's reflexes weren't as fast as mine, and it had no intention of stopping. People tell stories and they say "Then everything seemed in slow motion..." Let me say right now that what happened next, was not in slow motion. It was very fast, and very painful. The next thing I knew I was on top of this motorized piece of metal with the horn still blaring in my right ear, but this time more intense because I was directly above it. The horn finally stopped and I lay there for a couple second savoring the silence. Once again, my peacefulness was interrupted by a click and a voice speaking words that I didn't understand. Slowly I got up, my vision blurred, I looked around and saw yet another red man, this time not so small, but red nonetheless. This red man was more animated than the first, and seemed to be more furious. All I could say to this man was a mumble of Italian words that seemed to flow, dribble and roll through my mind. Words like "Scus... dispia... giorn... dove..." A couple of English words leaked their way through, random words that had nothing to do with the situation. Once consciousness was gained I was able to blurb the words "No parlo Italiano". The red man did not seem to care whether or not I spoke Italian, in fact he seemed to care more about the fact that his car might be hurt more than me. Since I was in the middle of the street I did not plan on going back to where I came from, like I said I was going to show that red man who was boss. I waited until there was a break in the traffic to finish crossing the street. Once on the other side I realized that I had just been hit by a car. I turned around, saw the car that had hit me, waved to slightly less red man, slurred a quick "Ciao" and immediately began to examine my legs. Determining that they were not broken, since I was able to walk, I continued on my way home. It wasn't exactly "continued" it was more like, "limped."

Lesson learned: Always look both ways look both ways before crossing the street. And never take on seductive yellow men, because they will kick your butt, or your legs.

Dustin